The Netflix Wasteland

Okay... now I kinda like clowns

Okay… now I kinda like clowns

When one travels through the wasteland that the world has come to know as ‘The Netflix’ one makes the journey knowing all too well that his mind might escape, but it will be forever changed. Those who make it back are supposed to be responsible and not recommended a movie like ‘Human Centipede’, but some are so distorted by entering the rift their conscience is not worth its weight in gold. Rotten bastards. It is in respects to the dark lords… or corporations, which control the Netflix that I will recommend a few for a respectable viewer to either enter at his own risk or stay away from entirely.

There are a few movies I would like to point out that I have found on a few treks into the void for which I will never be the same. Now is your turn. Enter if you dare, just be sure to respect the will of the Netflix, say a prayer before your entry, so that the gods might hold a bit of pity. Good luck.

5) Stitches - A British horror/comedy about a clown that returns from the dead to exact his revenge. I warn you, what you see cannot be unseen. It was a good movie altogether, but the point is… your brain is going to be raped. You’ll never look at clowns the same that’s for sure… not that any one really likes clowns. It was a very inappropriate movie, which made it hilarious. It held back for nothing and wasn’t afraid to make its audience uncomfortable with horrifying deaths and utter irreverence. Good for you… kinda.

11174546_8004) Contracted – About a girl out in the world who hooks up with a stranger one night and catches… something. I really don’t wanna talk about it, but I feel the world should know her story. Things start to rot on her… that is the only spoiler I will provide, and if you can make it without vomiting the rest of the movie is worth watching. It too was not afraid to make its audience disgusted or uncomfortable. I was more uncomfortable with why she didn’t go to the hospital MUCH sooner, but that’s me.

3) Antichrist – I could only make it half a minute through this one. It deserves a spoiler for explanation: penetration.antichrist-movie_poster Within the first minute a child is falling to his death in slow-mo and Willem Dafoe is ramming his wife… all slo-mo. Clearly, this is a movie… not for me.

2) Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead – What the fuck is wrong with the Japanese? If you can make it through the first two minutes, which is the opening credits, you’re a stronger man than I. I’m not sure what to say about this one, but if you enjoy puke and the undead and everything in between this movie will fill that dark hole festering in your soul. They’re not afraid to show a little Japanese ass here and there… though it’s normally accompanied by pooping or… other stuff. Just thought I’d throw that in there… in case anyone was interested.

1) A Darker Reality – have you ever thought to yourself that you REALLY wanted to see Daniel Baldwin choking himself with a noose while masturbating? If so, then this is your movie! It gets worse… much worse… it’s basically a zombie_ass_toilet_of_the_dead_ver2movie of the worst imaginable jumble of sick shit. Truly, a darker reality. Baldwin plays a killer of the worst kind; he tortures his victims psychologically to make them into something… DARK. Boom… didn’t see that coming, did you? Well, then, you’re a sick fuck. I would’ve perhaps been able to enjoy this movie, though I felt like it was slow, despite the horrifying imagery and senseless morbidity. I felt like the ending was visible from five minutes into the movie and that always hurts me on the inside. The two detectives investigating Baldwin should’ve called me and I could’ve saved everyone a whole lot of trouble.

Nobody calls me… mine is truly a darker reality.  darkerdvd




Good Times Roll


I have it on good authority that the Mayan spirit of death is waiting for this day on the celestial calendar to create a singularity that will destroy the universe. He will unify everything. There will be no differentiation between any organism, every atom will be made as one. All facets that provide diversity to the cosmos, which gives us a comfortable buffer against the world, will be broken down. Death will fill in the cracks.

This is a horrifying fate for the cosmos, as we will be frozen as one massive glob, as if trapped under ice. We will not be allowed to move, as if frozen in the depths of hell. We will be forced to see ourselves, forced to bear witness on our nothingness. There will be no death, we will live forever, which will be a fate worse than death. Frozen in time. This is the true fate of everything. When time expands beyond its means it will, instead of breaking, become stuck. The lines that seemed to pull the cosmos apart will instead be stretched beyond their means. This is the limit. We will be frozen beyond the limit of time and space.

Trapped in the ever-widening chasm of time and space, we will be forced to look over the horizon of understanding. The chasm offers a dull howl of hallowed darkness. Beyond the realm of comprehension, we will be forced to see the dark chaos of our birth. Tirelessly complete, we will be made as one with the world. Truly a terrifying fate. We will surrender to the demands of the cosmos, never to be complete, but frozen forever.

Super Predator Kills Sharknado



It seems more than apparent that Chtulu is responsible for the death of this shark, not to mention millions of other creatures that have gone unnamed until this moment. A nine foot shark being killed by a greater predator has to be a sign of the apocalypse! Well, if he is awake… I’m out. Probably better to just hand the planet over to the monkeys and depart for lands unknown… but wait!

We’re humans… we’ve been kickin’ ass on this planet for centuries! We’re not gonna let some superpredatorcrabmonsterfuck take our title away. Take a look at our track record See… we can win this! Oh, you can kill a shark… well, we’ll kill every shark! We’d better nuke the ocean to make a point!

Humanity’s real secret weapon is to let everything die in order to make a point. We’re suicidal. Other creatures want to live, but humanity seems hellbent for death. Coincidentally enough, we’ve survived thousands of years inspite of ourselves! We’re winning! Nuclear standoff and fallout, world wars, collapse of civilizations and we’re still kickin’ ass!



Much ado about Slenderman

“The shadow is a moral problem that challenges the whole ego-personality, for no one can become conscious of the shadow without considerable moral effort. To become conscious of it involves recognizing the dark aspects of the personality as present and real. This act is the essential condition for any kind of self-knowledge.”

-Aion [Carl Jung]

Sometimes people need to comfort themselves with fanciful tales of monsters and creatures lurking in the woods and the world at large. It helps to give a bit of control, and provide a ‘childish curiosity’ to an otherwise dangerous world. The amazing thing has never been our fear for the dark, but what people have seen, through either the guise of fear or by a reality that has to be askew. Something like this couldn’t possibly exist, but still, many people have seen it and many stories have been provided to fill in the gaps of what we see or fail to see in the darkness.

It’s amazing that we’re scared of the dark, when hardly anyone is frightened of the light, especially when there seems to be, in the least, the same amount of creepy shit that exists in the day. If you don’t believe me, I must direct you to the other pages on my blog. There is just something terrifying about seeing a thing in the dark that the light cannot provide. Darkness gives a normal creature a hint of corruption, making it look… tainted. The taint is bred from hell, manifest by the antichrist, a beast that only wishes us pain. True story. Something happens to the eyes when you see them in the dark; children look horrifying, baby seals… even bunny rabbits! What’s worse is that you have at least a half a day of dealing with the darkness. God forbid you’re lost in the woods… you’d be s-o-o-o fucked!

The problem might not be in the darkness, but in ourselves. I don’t want to get too deep, but maybe it could be as simple as a fault in our eyes. Our eyes cannot adjust to the darkness as they can to the light. Maybe our eyes register that there is something unknown to the dark, so it pushes us away. Anyone would be changed if they ignored their instincts and hung around in the darkness, but also imagine how your view of such a person would be changed. Our thinking could come right down to black and white… terrifyingly simple.

Simple. It provides a clear division in our realities, something we’ve always had. We have good and evil. Darkness and light. Slender man sits somewhere in the darkness lurking. For what we cannot see, nightmare takes control. Until we choose to recognize it, this unintelligible divide in the world will coexist with the light. Reality is at peace. All is well… for now.



Now, we can’t blame Jennifer Lawrence for a revolution in Thailand, just like we can’t blame a three-finger salute from a movie. However, there must be someone, something we can blame, for why these people think it’s right to defy authority! Has the fictional story of desperate kids fighting for their lives inspired these people or is it that whole freedom thing? The Junta should be terrified of this ‘Hunger Games’ salute, because it represents a clear break in the lines between reality and fiction.

The reality in Thailand is that a militaristic regime has taken power, but the citizens don’t accept this reality. They’d rather bask in an illusion created by a young-adult novel and raise three fingers in protest. Not only do they refuse to accept their reality, but they’ve come to choose another unremittingly powerful one, which is a hybrid utopia or dystopia maybe, where reality and fiction are one in the same.

After a few thousand years where civilized society has coexisted with our fictional realities of ‘Gilgamesh’, ‘The Ramayana’ and… ‘The Bible’… I’ll wait… the lines have become so completely blurred that the two realities have finally become one. The question we must ask is whether this has always been the way and our minds are finally willling, or able to perceive it or if this is a new world into which we are walking.

Civilized history has a nice, neat line that has followed throughout time… but still along those lines are a few bumps… herpes, if you will… that take away from reality. These are occurrences that could destroy the foundations of established religion, government and society as we’ve come to know them. If you accept that there is more to the story than history can provide you are accepting illusion. If you think history is the end-all of human civilization, then you are trapped in your reality.

Both can be a prison, but what happens if we accept both. Anything… anything can happen.


Insane With Wisdom

Every time I see a different picture of Alice she always appears like a pedophile's wet dream.

Every time I see a different picture of Alice she always appears like a pedophile’s wet dream.

I’ve learned so much, yet have come to no higher wisdom. After you study wisdom carefully, you start to suspect that it is a bottomless pit that pulls you in deeper. Gravity is working against you… you fall further into its pit of darkness. The gravity of wisdom is that of a black hole. You’ll be falling into its depths and for the eternity that it takes for you to disappear you will be falling out of control. When it comes to finding wisdom you’ll never have control.

Life is constantly making me rediscover my lack of understanding, but nothing will compare to my re-reading ‘Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland’, by Lewis Carroll. The book seems riddled with secret meanings; it could be one great big dream sequence… or just maybe Carroll was a massive pedophile of epic proportions. My interpretation is that Alice is ‘Anarchy’ and she rampages through Wonderland destroying the Monarchy.

There are a number of reasons I assume as such, but maybe I’m reading too far into what’s supposed to be a child’s book. Is it just a child’s story… or is it something more? If not, then I am seriously messed up in the head. Both clear possibilities.

There’s no wonder why guys like Mark David Chapman go out and shoot John Lennon because they think there is a secret message in ‘Catcher in the Rye’. Every detail is open to interpretation. The first thing you learn as a writer or really any person who wants to create, the creator is the least important part. Nobody cares what you think about what you created. You’ll die and your work will live on. Its message will live on forever, so it’s important that you never waste your creativity.

What you think it means is nothing compared to individual interpretation. People have their own minds and in this way your work evolves. It will take on new meanings, as the meaning that you might have had yesterday will mean nothing tomorrow. Even from the beginning, when you first started to write… chances are your work doesn’t mean the same thing. A creation starts to take its own form, especially if you give it the care it deserves. Take great care… the future depends on you. You don’t know it, until you start to gather the information through writing, but more than anything your creation needs you to nurture its creation.

In this way, you’re a mother and a midwife to your creation. Don’t drop it on its head. You won’t be able to protect it from lunatics that think you’re trying to upset the establishment or claiming women are from Mars or that the master race is beneath the earth! There is no hope for the future, but in keeping your work alive you have done your job as creator. Kinda gives you a deeper insight into God, don’t you think? If God created life and life is still alive… God deserves to be father of the year.

7 Reasons to Kill THIS Planet!

captain-planet-and-the-planeteers-image-2So sad… that all of these species think THEY have a claim to this planet! This planet is ours! This planet belongs to the U-S-of-A! U-S-A! U-S-A! We’ve been flingin’ bombs since ’76, killin’ an’ grillin’ for centuries! You thought we’d stop when the planet was about to rot from within?

1) Fast-Food – It doesn’t take a man of great observation to see that when you step into the delicate ecosystem of a Mcdonald’s or Wendy’s there is an entirely different and altogether terrifying species of man being created. Man’s transmogrification when he walks into this place, the dreaded fast-food chain, is something out of H.P. Lovecraft. He grows roughly fifty pounds, he sweats with every step, but his sweat is made of this translucent goop insipid with grease and anticipation. His legs are like tree trunks, which root him to the ground, but what hath thine ground become? The ground beneath their feet is trampled, as in the stampede of buffalo; his roots pollute it with disease and bacteria, from which spring the disease of fast-food. These fast-food bacterium spread like plague and are just as lethal.

From its roots, fast-food is terrible for mankind. Cow-farms are exactly as they sound; they are massive warehouses that store cattle for the purpose of their destruction. It is only natural that you would need a water supply to harbor so many animals and it is just as likely that this water will become polluted. The terrible thing about water is that it seems so abundant, but there is a need for fresh, drinkable water that we won’t understand until it’s gone. Even the land used for grazing is destroyed.  The pollution doesn’t end there; the methane produced by so many cattle farting in one place produces a rip in our O-zone.

I’m sorry… I went kinda crazy there for a minute. The point is… fast-food is delicious and I WANT Diabeetus! SO fast-food wins… fuck dem cattle!

2) The Ocean is Bullshit! – Water offers the perception that it is limitless, unfathomable… near godly. Civilizations throughout history have mythologized the ocean in their creation stories, speaking of when the ocean was a volatile mess and the planet was erratic. The ocean is an asshole. Hurricanes are getting more violent because the ocean can’t handle its liquor… I mean… the volatile mess of pollution we’ve been dumping. It just keeps getting hotter and hotter… what a dick! It’s getting easier for ice in the Arctic to melt and mix with the ocean, so the level of desalinization with this heat is making the ocean more volatile, which means the storms we’ll see in the next decade will be worse than anything to come.

Perhaps even worse is that we keep seeing species of creature we’ve never seen before, since the ocean is getting warmer these creatures think they have the right to prove to us they’re alive! Didn’t we kill you already? We should make an example of them… let’s nuke the ocean! It’s only a matter of time before we see a Lochness monster-like beast that tries to kill us all. Kutulu maybe… definitely.

nc_swastika_forest_ll_130705_16x9_9923) Racist Forests N Shit! – There’s this bridge in Scotland, Overtoun Bridge, where dogs leap to their death. Dogs commit suicide… what the fuck, planet? Worse, yet, if a dog doesn’t die the first time he’ll climb up and leap… again! Fuck you planet!

There’s a forest outside of Germany… surprise, surprise! where swastikas are randomly sprouting up amidst your average not racist trees. Still a sore subject planet… let it be.

This planet seems to have a dark energy that feeds off of our negativity. Why can’t you help us out for once planet? We offer up our garbage and nuclear waste and THIS is how you repay us? Our dogs are killing themselves and our forests are being anti-semitic!

The worst of it, however, has to be Mount Fuji, in Japan, where this wretched landmark has made people think it would be awesome to kill themselves. Seeing dead people hanging from a few branches within the woods before Mt. Fuji is a natural occurrence… sucks to be THAT park ranger! It happens so often they’ve erected signs to try and talk people out of it, but the allure of death, the scent of it that catches their noses, which pours forth from this wretched planet is too much for them to handle. Which brings me to the point… this planet is trying to kill us. We’d better kill it before it can kill us.

4) Fuck Dem Beez! – So… the bees are dying… but they’re assholes too, so fuck them! Without the bees to help keep the flowers alive and repopulating the planet, this fucker will die off in no time. Bees have always been a worthy adversary, as ally to the planet… we need to take these fuckers down! Why? I’ve been stung before… we gots ta kill ‘em all! No one is exactly certain what’s killing them, though perhaps their alliance with the planet has turned sour… collapsed, if you will. I don’t think anyone cares about bees… this is our planet. Insects think they have a right to the planet, they think they can number in the billions and run shit… not in my house! We’ve got Raid and plenty of pesticides to nuke you good!

5) Dinosaurs – Let’s do it for the dinosaurs! This is revenge, bitch! Way over ninety percent of species that lived on this planet have gone extinct… and one-hundred percent WILL die… true story… wikipedia that shit! We could be riding stegasaurus’ through the streets right now, but no, the planet had to kill them off. Go on and blame a meteor. I choose to point out the obvious: this planet has an agenda against us. World War 2… blame the planet…. plague… blame the planet… AIDS… you get it… finally. This planet’s only aim is to kill every living thing, when all we want is to live. Can you see that our missions are separate, and that we are fighting this planet for survival? This is the goal, we must defeat the planet!

6) Mountain Dew – It tastes better than water, yet the planet sees no need to make a lake of Mountain Dew, does it? How inconsiderate… why can’t the planet make this place like Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory? It doesn’t want to… it CHOOSES to create parasites that latch onto our nuts and bacteria that rots our flesh and mosquitoes that stab us with their noses. What a bitch! Life is all about making the right decisions… it seems the planet makes the decisions that try to kill us. It amazes me that people try so hard to save it, when this place wants us dead. I say we fight fire with fire… no more rationale; I follow instinct. Instinct is older than intellect. It’s gotten us much further on the evolutionary scale, so when it tells me to kill the planet I listen.

And where’s my Mountain Dew lake?

7) The Planet Hates My Car – Let’s think about this for a second… for some reason, we all need cars… so there are probably millions out there as we speak. If they all became fuel-efficient over night that would be great… but would it really help? Fuel is a major issue with the planet, both in wasting it now and preserving it, while finding new sources of it for the future. Does the army go green? Do they have some kind of fuel-efficient tanks or planes to kill those little arabs? Imagine the waste an army creates in food and water and supplies, imagine the metal we waste in weapons and such, the tearing up of the planet it takes to really make a war. The economics of war are in destruction, which means more than killing an entire race, it means fighting for resources. Simultaneously, we can kill the planet AND ourselves. While we dig for resources we can also dig our own graves. I just want a car that runs on unicorn farts… why can’t science deal with real problems?

Either join in my crusade or get out of the way. I have a clear agenda for saving us and ridding us of this planet. We’ll float in the nether, like planets in orbit. Then, of course, we’ll have to kill the orbit… then whatever comes after. It’s a cycle. We can’t just be happy, afloat against the backdrop of a darkly dreaming cosmos. No point… no point.