Night of the Notso Classics

return_the-iconic-tarman-shotHe don’t like Thriller…

I’ve made this list, so that everyone will appreciate my awesomeness. No, in all seriousness, I am just getting tired of mentioning these movies and having nobody know what I’m talking about. In no particular order, these are but a few awesome movies that might have flown under your radar that everyone should see at least once:

5) The Frighteners

Is there anything better than having Michael J. Fox in a movie? I thought not, excluding having an American Epic the likes of Bruce Campbell, this classic has Michael J. Fox as a paranormal expert who uses ghosts to ‘scare up’ business. The story picks up when a ghost goes around and murders people and the town needs his paranormal expertise to save the day. The unification of the unknown mixed with a sort of grisly humor makes this a classic that everyone I mention it to seems not to know. Am I the last awesome person?

4) Return of The Living Dead

Some might call this a terrible B-movie of a horror classic, which would infer that it is cheesy and these are allegations that one cannot deny. I could not watch any of this movie without laughing, which isn’t to say it was a bad horror flick, but that the elements of it failed to link up to me in a way I could believe. Namely, when the zombies attacked the EMTs and then used the walkies to call more of them to their doom. It was funny, yet so ridiculously unbelievable I couldn’t comprehend. The insanity goes further, but I’ll leave it to you to see for yourself.

3) The Caller

This isn’t your annoying ‘When a Stranger Calls’ boring sociopath in the backyard ‘oh shit! He’s calling from inside the house!’ movie, this is a ‘holy shit that old crazy cunt needs to get shot in the face!’ classic of horror. It has all the elements of a classic B-horror, it has an original storyline and just enough grotesque violence that will make you cringe. It follows a woman who starts to get calls from a woman who used to live in her apartment years before her who allegedly committed suicide. When she finds a reason to live, her obsession turns to the woman and becomes more violent and unhinged. The story takes off from this point, I don’t want to ruin it, I’ll strengthen my already awesome argument by telling you Luiz Guzman is in it as well… ‘nuf said.

2) In The Mouth of Madness

There are certain awesome people who once you seem them in a list of actors for a film you are immediately going to watch. Sam Neill is one of these actors and yes, my friends… he happens to be in this film. The world is steadily going insane in this movie and Sam Neill is the last one, mostly because he has yet to read the horror novels of Sutter Cane, a writer whose novels drive people to commit horrible acts. Horror has apparently taken on reality and Sam Neill must crack the code, or help the world adjust to insanity. I might be able to put Sam Neill up on my list of awesome people, perhaps below Bruce Campbell, but it would still be quite far below.

***While I’m on the topic, I must give honorable mention to another Sam Neill classic, Event Horizon, where a space ship the great Sam Neill helped to make goes on an inexplicable journey into hell. Laurence Fishburne is in it as well, as well as a dude who kinda looks like Bon Jovi, but you’ll have to determine this for yourself.

1) Dead Snow

Two words: Nazi Zombies. A classic in the making, a group goes to a cabin in the woods in Germany, or Japan, who can tell by the accents. Their party goes awry when the Nazi zombies awaken and it’s obvious they’re here to fuck shit up. I won’t give you everything, just see for yourself; this film is gory in a way I can’t explain, with violence there isn’t even a name for… things you will cringe and remember forever.


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