Revenge? Challenge Accepted

It’sa cute lil innocent chillin’… don’t stare directly at him.

I’ve been going through a long list of movies on Netflix, not just horror movies, in fact my fascination has brought me to the very fine depths of insanity to which I have watched FDR: American Badass, and nearly submitted myself to watching ‘Hobo With a Shotgun‘. I’m not there yet, suffice it to say that the last movie I watched was ‘Barbarella‘ with a young and amazing looking Jane Fonda… and for those who are wondering, yes I would still make sweet love to Jane Fonda. But what I’m writing has nothing to do with that, this post is about revenge. I will have my revenge…

It’s pretty funny to think that there is actually a movie category for revenge, but if you look hard enough it’s there. Revenge is something that has fascinated humanity since the dawn of time; many of our stories are founded on the principles of karma and evil people getting what they deserve. We all want evil people to get what they deserve, though it seems that life hardly ever works out that way.

Me… I WILL have my revenge, you can count on that, but here are just a few of the movies I found on Netflix under the category ‘revenge’ that are watchable, either out of the hilarity of the situation, or because the story is worth watching.

5) Seed – Though I don’t know why a writer would want a deranged lunatic to look like the hero, somehow they do it! A lunatic miraculously survives the death penalty and is set free… wait, why, can’t you just take him out back and shoot him in the head? Huge plot hole, but I still enjoyed most of the movie. It was more graphic with… every scene, which tried to make up for the lack of a story, maybe because whoever wrote it wanted you to forget it was basically a madman taking revenge on cops who wanted to make the world a better place. Not horrible, though… worth at least a fourth place spot.
4) Cherry Bomb – A hot stripper takes revenge on a group of scumbags that take advantage of her. It’s graphic enough to make up for the lack of a story, though there’s a sexy stripper kicking ass throughout, so how much of a story do you need?
3) Pumpkin Head I & II – I love these movies, but the fact that they needed a second, you know, because he couldn’t get revenge enough in the first one, is beyond me. In the first, you will find Lance Henriksen, who is perhaps the finest actor of our generation. No… that’s a bit much, but I do like him… top five, maybe. The murderer is a helpless simpleton who the townsfolk treat like a piñata and hang from a tree. He becomes an ultimate revenge machine, an ugly beast that brings a curse on this evil town. Good times… good times.
2) Trailer Park of Terror – Right off the bat you can tell this was an awesome movie… it has ‘trailer park’ and ‘terror’ in the same sentence. This revenge story has a young beautiful girl who gets corrupted by the sacrilegious ways of the people of her community… a trailer park, despite her efforts to better herself. Seeking revenge… hey, is that the devil or Trace Adkins… you know, that country dude? It was amusing seeing the trailer park clan as zombies and how the young girl makes them basically into her slaves… good for you!
1) The Funhouse – Again… it’s the simple story of a murderer trying to get his revenge, but still… it is revenge. A group of kids decide to stay in a funhouse at a carnival over night, but when they are witness to a murder and something even more horrifying they must now escape before the evil creature that lurks inside can make them its next victim. Not bad, even with the cheesy seventies effects.

Alright, yes, before anyone says anything ‘The Crow’ is definitely one of the best revenge movies ever, but these are a few I just wanted you to know… you’re welcome… But I still want Jane Fonda… frowny face.

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