Life is a gamble… and I’m gonna lay down all my money, which isn’t much, on the world ending between this Saturday and Sunday. Don’t laugh… you’re gonna look back at this moment and realized you heard the words of a prophet on his awesome blog and be like… I should’ve asked more questions. Go on, while we have a few days… ask me anything. The full moon coming this weekend will be the closest its been to the earth! Boom, you got a premise for one of the shittiest horror movies ever! That’s something major, especially from a guy who has repeatedly sat through ‘My Name is Bruce‘. It’s about love… I love Bruce Campbell. I’m not afraid to say it, I just wanna shout it from the rooftops… and I don’t have much time, since the world is gonna end this weekend.
Question: what would be the best way for me to show my love at the end of the world, how about a massive orgy? This will have to be world wide, just as the full moon is rising in that beautiful sky… actually, the night comes at different times, so we’ll have to do it in shifts. We’ll start from one side of the world and continue onward, until the day is done and the world is ended. Hopefully, by that point, the world IS over… boy, that’ll be an awkward morning. I don’t think the world will last long if we have to remember each other naked; society might just fold with that forbidden knowledge.
My prediction that the force of the moon pulling on the oceans will unleash the Kutulu beast from his grave beneath the ocean… I have yet to substantiate this theory. It’s happening… and you will look me up after we’re all dead. I’ll start a page for any information you might have, but hurry up… it’s gonna happen this weekend! Kutulu will rise, we will get reports out of the Atlantic Ocean… that’s right, the ocean does reporting. People will see the massive Kutulu beast rising out of the ocean… the terrorists win… I don’t know what that has to do with it. Kutulu will eat the moon and poop it back at us… messed up, right? Those who survive, if we haven’t organized the FukNSukFest… we will then. You’ll all wanna and I’ll be like, ‘oh you were all too good to do it before the earth was killed, now you wanna have a freak fest because the reality is obvious!’ Such hypocrites, You’ll thank me someday.
Amazing to think that there could be such powerful forces at work in the world, ones that could bring mankind to ruin despite his best efforts. We try so hard to aim for perfection, nobody ever things that a sunspot will be the reason they lose everything. Nobody thinks the moon will effect them, the stars… a comet heading for earth. Kind of makes you feel insignificant… kind’a makes those tools that don’t use ‘YOLO’ ironically seem philosophical. Imagine working hard your entire life and one day it falls apart because the moon decided to get too close to the earth. You see, Fuknsukfest 2013 seems like a good idea now, doesn’t it?
Please… world… I think we should really get this together, you know, one last hoorah! What hope do we really have against the universe anyway? YOLO!….. I’m sorry for that. I’ll never do it again…. if somebody helps me organize the Full Moon ‘Pocalypse FukNSukFest 2013. You’re welcome America… My gift to you. Enjoy the apocalypse folks!