The Walking Dead v. The Hammer of the Gods

Tyreese wielding the hammer of the gods

Tyreese (Chad L. Coleman) wielding his divine hammer of the gods in honor of our lord Odin, or something like that

So… The Walking Dead last week… dude went crazy! You know AMC is going crazy over this shit, basically telling the writers to do whatever the hell they want to keep them in business. Who would’a thought that a channel best known for… well, I can’t really think of anything else. Not anymore, now the phenomenon has been coined: AMC’s The Walking Dead. They’re comin’ up in the world; good for them!

I do love the show, but what I’m more interested in is taking notes in case this shit ever happens. I study and re-examine every episode and am coming up with a relative outline for how I’m going to survive and all you other assholes are gonna die when this really happens. Oh, and there’s no doubt in my mind this could happen; either aliens could come down, cosmic dust, or our government could be prepping a virus capable of raising the dead. Is it so hard to believe, if you give it a brief examination you’ll realize that everything that has ever been done only takes a bit of imagination. The people with imagination love a challenge; give them a riddle and they go to down, are you really willing to bet me a million dollars our government, with all of our labs dedicated to biological weapons, including perfecting deadlier strains of anthrax, couldn’t make this show into more than a hit on AMC?

In no time, this could be a hit reality show.

But I’m not here to debate the probability of the ‘zompocalypse’, I’m here to give you normal folk a helpful bit of advice I’ve come to realize after years of watching horror movies. The new rule, number one overall, of surviving the zombie apocalypse is to always have a hammer. The end of last weeks episode was all the proof I needed, where Tyreese (Chad L. Coleman) summoned his Wolverine Berserker powers and killed dozens of zombies in swift cracks of their skulls. Imagine the possibilities, you oh so imaginative peoples! You could easily carry a whole bunch of hammers, and you don’t have to worry about wielding a bulky axe, just a small hammer, even using two at a time to pulverize any zombie horde. A normal size hammer is sturdy enough that you could swing for days, but they’re light-weight enough that you could carry roughly six on your belt, two taped to your chest, two to your back; wear carpenter pants and pack a few more and you’ll be off to the zompocalypse!

Hammers have always been around for weaponry, so it isn’t crazy. You don’t need a fancy samurai sword like Michonne, (Danai Gurira) though lightweight, the blade is weak and could be damaged easily. A chainsaw… don’t even get me started. A gun is loud and requires a bit of dexterity if you’re needing a desperate headshot… a hammer is meant for any fool to go swing-happy. The hammer is the ultimate tool of the zompocalypse; just run into a horde, in honor of Berserker Tyreese, and summon every ounce of adrenaline with a few quick swings.

Remember, always, that our greatest asset in any trying time is our imaginations. After all, it will be our minds that most likely get us into this mess and in that terrible duality that life so often presents it will be the mind that gets us out.

Long live Daryl Dixon!


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s