Cricket PenisPocalypse 2014

I can't believe that whole time this dude had herpes!

I can’t believe that whole time this dude had an std!

It’ll start with the crickets… and then it’ll come for us! Since the dawn of time, our peace with the crickets established society on shaky ground, but what will come of our sworn enemies when there are no more little cricket babies? That little bitch Jiminy Cricket was always trying to tell us what to do, and the entire time he had an STD. Disney was never one for a decent backstory… I’ll bet Jiminy was into chokin’ himself too the sick son of a bitch. But, seriously folks.. we gotta save the crickets. I know cancer sucks… but think of the cricket children!

Imagine a virus that makes you think you want to have sex! That pretty much sums up the human brain! If this makes the change from cricket to human, we are sooo fucked. A virus that only wants you to have sex so that your penis falls off… okay… we gotta get a damn cure fast. It’s only a matter of time before this virus makes the leap from cricket to man… I guess. Wait……. birds eat crickets…….. SUPERPENISEATINGBIRDFLUUUUU!!!

Humanity will be infected and it will be worse than the zombie apocalypse. In a world where penises rot off, one man will come to power. This is a world where those with penises seize control, while those who don’t hide in the shadows. They will be… mutant penis monsters! I’m sorry, is the plural of Penis ‘Peni’? Whatever. Anyway, I think Arnold Schwarzenegger could be in this one, but I think Michael Jai White has greater potential… dude’s jacked and he already used that ‘You diabolical dick-shrinkin’ motha fucka!’ in Black Dynamite. World War… no, it can’t be called that… it must be called…….. The Great Cricket Penis Insurrection. These are the times that try men’s souls.

Please folks, donate all you can to the Save the Cricket Peni Foundation. I’ll start that shit later, but for now SEND ME MONEY!!!!!