The Netflix Wasteland

Okay... now I kinda like clowns

Okay… now I kinda like clowns

When one travels through the wasteland that the world has come to know as ‘The Netflix’ one makes the journey knowing all too well that his mind might escape, but it will be forever changed. Those who make it back are supposed to be responsible and not recommended a movie like ‘Human Centipede’, but some are so distorted by entering the rift their conscience is not worth its weight in gold. Rotten bastards. It is in respects to the dark lords… or corporations, which control the Netflix that I will recommend a few for a respectable viewer to either enter at his own risk or stay away from entirely.

There are a few movies I would like to point out that I have found on a few treks into the void for which I will never be the same. Now is your turn. Enter if you dare, just be sure to respect the will of the Netflix, say a prayer before your entry, so that the gods might hold a bit of pity. Good luck.

5) Stitches – A British horror/comedy about a clown that returns from the dead to exact his revenge. I warn you, what you see cannot be unseen. It was a good movie altogether, but the point is… your brain is going to be raped. You’ll never look at clowns the same that’s for sure… not that any one really likes clowns. It was a very inappropriate movie, which made it hilarious. It held back for nothing and wasn’t afraid to make its audience uncomfortable with horrifying deaths and utter irreverence. Good for you… kinda.

11174546_8004) Contracted – About a girl out in the world who hooks up with a stranger one night and catches… something. I really don’t wanna talk about it, but I feel the world should know her story. Things start to rot on her… that is the only spoiler I will provide, and if you can make it without vomiting the rest of the movie is worth watching. It too was not afraid to make its audience disgusted or uncomfortable. I was more uncomfortable with why she didn’t go to the hospital MUCH sooner, but that’s me.

3) Antichrist – I could only make it half a minute through this one. It deserves a spoiler for explanation: penetration.antichrist-movie_poster Within the first minute a child is falling to his death in slow-mo and Willem Dafoe is ramming his wife… all slo-mo. Clearly, this is a movie… not for me.

2) Zombie Ass: Toilet of the Dead – What the fuck is wrong with the Japanese? If you can make it through the first two minutes, which is the opening credits, you’re a stronger man than I. I’m not sure what to say about this one, but if you enjoy puke and the undead and everything in between this movie will fill that dark hole festering in your soul. They’re not afraid to show a little Japanese ass here and there… though it’s normally accompanied by pooping or… other stuff. Just thought I’d throw that in there… in case anyone was interested.

1) A Darker Reality – have you ever thought to yourself that you REALLY wanted to see Daniel Baldwin choking himself with a noose while masturbating? If so, then this is your movie! It gets worse… much worse… it’s basically a zombie_ass_toilet_of_the_dead_ver2movie of the worst imaginable jumble of sick shit. Truly, a darker reality. Baldwin plays a killer of the worst kind; he tortures his victims psychologically to make them into something… DARK. Boom… didn’t see that coming, did you? Well, then, you’re a sick fuck. I would’ve perhaps been able to enjoy this movie, though I felt like it was slow, despite the horrifying imagery and senseless morbidity. I felt like the ending was visible from five minutes into the movie and that always hurts me on the inside. The two detectives investigating Baldwin should’ve called me and I could’ve saved everyone a whole lot of trouble.

Nobody calls me… mine is truly a darker reality.  darkerdvd





Super Predator Kills Sharknado



It seems more than apparent that Chtulu is responsible for the death of this shark, not to mention millions of other creatures that have gone unnamed until this moment. A nine foot shark being killed by a greater predator has to be a sign of the apocalypse! Well, if he is awake… I’m out. Probably better to just hand the planet over to the monkeys and depart for lands unknown… but wait!

We’re humans… we’ve been kickin’ ass on this planet for centuries! We’re not gonna let some superpredatorcrabmonsterfuck take our title away. Take a look at our track record See… we can win this! Oh, you can kill a shark… well, we’ll kill every shark! We’d better nuke the ocean to make a point!

Humanity’s real secret weapon is to let everything die in order to make a point. We’re suicidal. Other creatures want to live, but humanity seems hellbent for death. Coincidentally enough, we’ve survived thousands of years inspite of ourselves! We’re winning! Nuclear standoff and fallout, world wars, collapse of civilizations and we’re still kickin’ ass!





Now, we can’t blame Jennifer Lawrence for a revolution in Thailand, just like we can’t blame a three-finger salute from a movie. However, there must be someone, something we can blame, for why these people think it’s right to defy authority! Has the fictional story of desperate kids fighting for their lives inspired these people or is it that whole freedom thing? The Junta should be terrified of this ‘Hunger Games’ salute, because it represents a clear break in the lines between reality and fiction.

The reality in Thailand is that a militaristic regime has taken power, but the citizens don’t accept this reality. They’d rather bask in an illusion created by a young-adult novel and raise three fingers in protest. Not only do they refuse to accept their reality, but they’ve come to choose another unremittingly powerful one, which is a hybrid utopia or dystopia maybe, where reality and fiction are one in the same.

After a few thousand years where civilized society has coexisted with our fictional realities of ‘Gilgamesh’, ‘The Ramayana’ and… ‘The Bible’… I’ll wait… the lines have become so completely blurred that the two realities have finally become one. The question we must ask is whether this has always been the way and our minds are finally willling, or able to perceive it or if this is a new world into which we are walking.

Civilized history has a nice, neat line that has followed throughout time… but still along those lines are a few bumps… herpes, if you will… that take away from reality. These are occurrences that could destroy the foundations of established religion, government and society as we’ve come to know them. If you accept that there is more to the story than history can provide you are accepting illusion. If you think history is the end-all of human civilization, then you are trapped in your reality.

Both can be a prison, but what happens if we accept both. Anything… anything can happen.


Insane With Wisdom

Every time I see a different picture of Alice she always appears like a pedophile's wet dream.

Every time I see a different picture of Alice she always appears like a pedophile’s wet dream.

I’ve learned so much, yet have come to no higher wisdom. After you study wisdom carefully, you start to suspect that it is a bottomless pit that pulls you in deeper. Gravity is working against you… you fall further into its pit of darkness. The gravity of wisdom is that of a black hole. You’ll be falling into its depths and for the eternity that it takes for you to disappear you will be falling out of control. When it comes to finding wisdom you’ll never have control.

Life is constantly making me rediscover my lack of understanding, but nothing will compare to my re-reading ‘Alice’s Adventures in Wonderland’, by Lewis Carroll. The book seems riddled with secret meanings; it could be one great big dream sequence… or just maybe Carroll was a massive pedophile of epic proportions. My interpretation is that Alice is ‘Anarchy’ and she rampages through Wonderland destroying the Monarchy.

There are a number of reasons I assume as such, but maybe I’m reading too far into what’s supposed to be a child’s book. Is it just a child’s story… or is it something more? If not, then I am seriously messed up in the head. Both clear possibilities.

There’s no wonder why guys like Mark David Chapman go out and shoot John Lennon because they think there is a secret message in ‘Catcher in the Rye’. Every detail is open to interpretation. The first thing you learn as a writer or really any person who wants to create, the creator is the least important part. Nobody cares what you think about what you created. You’ll die and your work will live on. Its message will live on forever, so it’s important that you never waste your creativity.

What you think it means is nothing compared to individual interpretation. People have their own minds and in this way your work evolves. It will take on new meanings, as the meaning that you might have had yesterday will mean nothing tomorrow. Even from the beginning, when you first started to write… chances are your work doesn’t mean the same thing. A creation starts to take its own form, especially if you give it the care it deserves. Take great care… the future depends on you. You don’t know it, until you start to gather the information through writing, but more than anything your creation needs you to nurture its creation.

In this way, you’re a mother and a midwife to your creation. Don’t drop it on its head. You won’t be able to protect it from lunatics that think you’re trying to upset the establishment or claiming women are from Mars or that the master race is beneath the earth! There is no hope for the future, but in keeping your work alive you have done your job as creator. Kinda gives you a deeper insight into God, don’t you think? If God created life and life is still alive… God deserves to be father of the year.